Yeah, so I had a heart attack last week.
I’ve probably gone through about 4 drafts of some kind of post in a sort of cathartic attempt to talk about it. Then I realized, I don’t even wanna bother.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not thinking of minimizing its effect on my psyche, or marginalize how important an event in my life it was. In fact, just the opposite. It’s too huge to write about. I mean, let’s go over it. I’m 43, I have the healthiest lifestyle that a man my age could even hope to live. I exercise, I eat right, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink… at all.
But let’s not kid ourselves. For years I didn’t live that way. Not only that, pretty much my mom’s entire side of the family with the exception of her dad passed away early in life of some form of heart disease. We’re talking early 50s in some cases. So I had 40 years of shit living piled on top of the genetic lottery. It was basically win-win. I was a shoe-in for Myocardial Infarction, and guess what… my number came up. In fact, I’m pretty sure (and a couple of doctors agreed wholeheartedly… no pun intended) that my lifestyle changes of the last couple of years saved my life. If I hadn’t started to eat right and exercise, you’d be leaving comments here about how lame it was that I died at 43 of a heart attack.
So with a new lease on life, including some new hardware to go along with it, and a fuck-all super appreciation for what I’ve got here around me, I’m gonna soldier on. I’m not gonna dwell on it. I’m not gonna wallow in it. I’m not even gonna let it change my life all that much, because let’s face it, if we let it change our lives, then the terrorists win. No, I’ve got a great life and a great lifestyle. I just got caught by the past and a floating turd in the gene pool. Nothing I can do about that.
So all I’m left with is the future, and that shit’s not written yet. So rather than sit here waxing poetic about how shitty my situation is, I’m gonna buck up and keep doing exactly what I’m doing. Because let’s be honest, I was doing all that shit before with a bum heart, imagine how effective it’ll all be now that I’ve got some blood flowing back to that muscle, right?
Now if I could just get well enough to leave the house to go get a massage. Those fucking hospital beds suck.
You are an amazing man Jeff Small!!! And yes…..Amazing Man was your nickname in college!
Beyond elated not to be commenting on your eulogy page, my friend!! I know however you write the story of your future, it will be filled with equal parts wit, great insight, and unbridled enthusiasm. I look forward to reading.
You continue to amaze and inspire!
dang Jeff, you are an awesome writer.
I love your attitude and I can only imagine how your life becomes brutally focused
on what is important when something like this happens.
You were a creative genius before all of this happened but now your renewed intensity and
fervor and new lease on life might blow this whole place down!!. Glad you are back.
Thanks Rachel and Gregg. I’m serious, it’d be too easy to fall into a trap of letting the fact that I work out, eat right, and watch my weight but still had a heart attack get to me, and I admit, that was my first reaction. I was really bummed for the first couple of days, and every time I sat down to write something about it, it came out as a weird combination of anger and sadness. Then I realized I can’t wallow in the past. It’s done. Even my doctors were pretty impressed with all the work I’ve done and continue to do, and my cardiologist basically said, “don’t change a thing”.
Of course it’s going to take me a while to ease back into where I was on the bike, but dammit, that’s a goal. I’ll get there and I’ll be better for it.
**hug** you rock Jeff!
That’s a great attitude to have. Now that you have your ticker fixed, the sky is the limit. DO NOT let those terrorists win.